My decision to transition

by Rachel Ellis
(Louisville, KY-USA)

When I first decided to transition, I was scared. I was tired of trying to find a stylist who would deal with my thick hair. I had natural hair for most of my life. I have very thick, course, yet soft hair. My hair tended to get dry easily though.

I remember my mother doing my hair up until I was about 12 years old. My hair was a little below my bra-strap at that time. It was when I turned 12 that I got my hair pressed for the first time. I traveled to California and my cousin who is a stylist pressed it for me. I loved it and decided that when I went back home I would continue to get it pressed. The trouble started right then.

I went to my mother's stylist who apparently hates dealing with natural hair. My hair was extremely thick and long. She chopped about three inches off. My hair was still long after that, but I was not happy that she cut my hair. My parents were upset as well.

So I went to another hair stylist who said she would press my hair. I warned her that I had a head full of extremely thick hair. Well, I went to the salon and she seemed surprised when I got there. I guess she didn't believe me. Turns out she was scissor happy as well. By the time I decided to leave her, my natural hair was only to my shoulders and my straightened hair only a few inches past my shoulders.

I went to another stylist after that who loved to press hair. My hair grew thereafter, and I stayed with her for a long time. There was only one problem with her. She didn't want to trim my hair at all. My hair was often stringy at the ends. Finally I left her because the hair salon she worked at went bankrupt.

I started going to a white stylist who said that they were experienced in doing natural hair. However instead of pressing they flat ironed. My hair wouldn't last a week. Finally they discovered the magic solution. Using way to much hair oil. Although they used all Aveda products, they used way to much anti-humectant pomade on my hair when they straightened it. My hair felt way to greasy.

Finally that hair stylist left town and there was a young man there who said he would do my hair. He told me to embrace my natural texture. He told me that because of the heat used on my hair, it was damaged and wouldn't curl anymore.

To begin with my hair never had that perfect coil. But naturally, my hair was wavy. I had thick, course s curls. He told me for a while he was just going to do a wash and go with the be curly and he would do some finger styling. I liked it, but I had no idea how to maintain the style. So by the end of three to four days, my hair looked a mess.

I was in my first year of college by then (yes, all of this was over the course of 6 years). I lived on campus in the dorms and the steam from the showers frizzed my hair. A lot of the other black girls made fun of my big hair. I began to get self conscious.

To this day I regret making the decision to relax my hair. I went to my mother's stylist and she was happy to relax my hair. However, she had no clue that my hair grew extra fast and she began to see that my hair although relaxed was very thick. I loved to get it flat ironed. It looked so healthy and silky.

My hair stylist didn't like that very much and tried cutting it. But my hair continued to grow back. She would cut it every time I got a touch up but 6 weeks later, it was right back to that same long length. Maybe even longer.

I made a poor decision to let a girl who lived across the hall from me cut my hair. I had the length. But she called herself doing a shag cut in my hair. Apparently it looked bad. But I told my stylist not to cut off the length and that I would just deal with the shag cut. She didn't listen and my hair was above my shoulders when she got done. I was very angry. But I could do nothing.

I continued to go to her and I wore my hair in low maintenance styles over the summer and by the time the fall semester came around, my hair was back to it's normal length. My stylist then told me that my hair was still curly after I got the relaxer and that she wanted to do another full relaxer again. This was a mistake. I loved the length after she relaxed my full head of hair a second time. What I didn't like was that she 'trimmed' it again two weeks later.

It seemed like months after that, my hair would never grow past my shoulders. I attributed this to her cutting my hair when she was supposed to trim it.

In the summer of 2007, I went on a trip to Nashville and got my hair done at the hotel there. The man who did my hair was this very nice black man who new a lot about my hair. I told him my story and he told me that as soon as I got back home, to change stylists.

I decided to go to the salon that was at my work. Again, I had a white stylist, but she did know what she was doing. However, my hair looked very dry when she would flat iron it. And they didn't do roller sets. The only used heat on the hair. A few months later I started going to a family member of one of my coworkers. She worked out of her home. I stayed with her for about a year. My hair was in horrible condition after that. She hardly ever conditioned my hair. My hair was very damaged.

It was in November 2008 that I went back to the stylist who originally relaxed my hair. I told her that I wanted to come back and stay with her. The last relaxer that I ever got was in November.

In January of this year (2009) I decided to transition. I started looking up tips online and I came along to this site. I read about your transition and I was encouraged. I am a very impatient person and over the past few months I have been going back and forth trying to decide what to do. I already have 3-almost 4 inches of new growth. But of course, when dry this new growth shrinks.

I have been wearing my hair in a corn-row out style. My stylist, who is the same lady who pressed my hair when I came back from California, and the same lady who gave me my first relaxer did this styles for me for a while. She reminded me that she hated doing natural hair and to find somebody who doesn't mind.

So I have found someone. She flat ironed my hair a couple of weeks ago, and my hair had grown out a lot. However the ends were horrible. So she had to cut and inch-maybe and inch and a half off. I am still being impatient. I just want my hair to be long again. I will continue to wear my hair in the cornrow-out style and in flexi-rod sets. I would like to know how to keep my ends moisturized. THis has been my big problem. It's an especially big problem for me when I get these styles and then two weeks later when I come in to get it washed, my hair is ridiculously tangled. My new stylist told me that that was because my ends were very bad.

I plan on getting some Carol's daughter products soon. I want to get the Black Current Shampoo,hair smoothie, and leave in conditioner. I already have the hair balm. I also want to get the Miss Jessie's Curly Meringue to use on my hair when I get the corn-row outs and the rod sets. I like these styles because it keeps me from combing my hair too much and from playing with it all the time.

I only plan on getting flat irons when I need a trim--which has been every 6 weeks for me. I hope that by the end of this year I will have at least 8-10 inches of new growth. I hope to cut off the relaxed ends in August of 2010. I hope I can last that long without having so much damage on the relaxed portion of my hair. Hopefully the products I plan to use will keep my hair moist.

Are there any tips that you have for me. I am open to anything. What I need to know is how to keep my relaxed from splitting and breaking while transitioning. I know I will have some breakage but I want to know how to keep it limited. My hair sheds a lot naturally because I don't comb it everyday.

My mom tells me to just leave my hair alone and it will grow. She moisturizes my scalp with vitamin E oil once a week. I hope to those products I mentioned soon so that I can tend to my dry ends. I think the styles I have chosen to wear may be the reason why my ends are so dry. I don't know.